Can I Talk to My Child’s Professors?
(Short answer: No. Long answer: Also no. But funnier.)
Ah, freshman year.
That magical time when your child heads off to college and you, a loving, supportive parent, suddenly transform into a full-time detective, unpaid life coach, and part-time emotional support animal.
Then the day arrives: your child mentions they’re struggling in a class.
You take a deep breath. You stay calm.
And five minutes later you’re drafting a perfectly reasonable email to their professor titled:
“A Few Concerns from Emma’s Mom 😊”
Friend… step away from the keyboard.
Let’s talk.
First, the Cold, Bureaucratic Truth: FERPA
FERPA – also known as the Federal Law of You Shan’t Be cc’d – is a privacy rule that prevents college staff and professors from sharing educational records with anyone except the student.
That includes grades, attendance, progress, and even “how they’re doing in general.”
Yes, even you.
Even if you’re paying tuition.
Even if you brought cookies.
Even if you have a 34-slide PowerPoint titled “Why My Child Deserves an A.”
If your student hasn’t signed a special release, their professors can’t tell you squat – not even if they’re attending class or if they showed up dressed like a raccoon (emotionally or literally).
College Professors: Not Your Middle School Team
In high school, parent-teacher conferences were the norm.
You sat in little plastic chairs and heard all about “participation” and “needs improvement in group work.”
In college? That dynamic is over.
Professors are like wild animals in the academic safari:
- They respond best to direct contact (from the student)
- They are not trained to recognize parental scent
- If approached unexpectedly by a parent, they will retreat into the tall grass of “I’m sorry, I legally can’t discuss that.”
So What Can You Actually Do?
We get it – you want to help. You want to make sure your kid doesn’t fail chemistry, or get lost in the advising shuffle, or accidentally try to graduate without ever declaring a major.
Here’s how to support them- without storming the lecture hall like an academic SWAT team:
1. Encourage Your Student to Use Office Hours
Office hours are like educational cheat codes that most freshmen forget exist.
Professors literally schedule time to talk – and the students who show up? Get answers, guidance, and often… better grades.
Teach your kid the magical phrase:
“Hi, I was wondering if I could talk through some of the course material with you.”
It unlocks respect, clarity, and shockingly, help.
2. Nudge Them Toward Their Academic Advisor
Advisors are like GPS for your student’s college path- but they only work if your kid turns them on.
Remind your child that it’s okay (and encouraged!) to ask questions like:
- “Am I on track to graduate?”
- “What does a GPA actually do?”
- “Why did no one warn me about 8 a.m. classes?”
You may need to coach them on what to ask – but let them be the one to ask it.
3. Help Them Build a “Get Unstuck” Toolkit
If they’re struggling, panicking, or avoiding things like “checking email,” here’s a toolkit you can offer:
- Campus tutoring centers
- Writing labs
- Resident Assistants (RAs) – basically wise upperclassmen with clipboard energy
- Mental health services – because college is exciting and hard
The key is to point toward the tools – not wield them yourself.
Why This Is Good (Even If It Feels Awful)
When your child sends that first scary email to a professor…
When they walk into an advising office not knowing what to say…
When they learn to advocate for themselves?
They’re becoming the person you actually raised them to be.
Self-sufficient. Resourceful. Brave.
(Also: slightly sweaty, probably holding iced coffee, wearing Crocs.)
This part of college isn’t just about classes – it’s about growth.
And yes, sometimes growth looks like turning in the wrong version of a paper, getting a low grade, and figuring out what to do next – on their own.
Can you talk to your child’s professors?
Nope. Not unless you’re the one enrolled and wearing a backpack.
Should you support your kid from the sidelines?
Absolutely. With patience, pep talks, and possibly snacks.
You’ve done the hard work. Now it’s their turn to walk into office hours and charm their own way to success.
And hey – if they don’t?
You’ll be waiting with a hug, a ride home, and a silent “I told you so.” (Which, as we all know, is the highest form of parental sport.)