Why Hasn’t My Kid Texted Me Back?
(and Other Mysteries of the Freshman Parent Universe)
Ah, college.
The moment your child finally spreads their wings… and immediately flies into a dorm room the size of a walk-in closet, survives on microwave quesadillas, and forgets you exist for approximately 17 business days.
Welcome to the wild, wonderful, emotionally confusing world of being a parent of a college freshman – a time when you’ll wonder:
- “Are they thriving or just buried under laundry?”
- “Should I call again or will that make me The Clingy One?”
- “Do they still love me or do they now only love DoorDash?”
Let’s tackle your most common questions – with the help of humor, practical advice, and the knowledge that we’re all just figuring it out as we go.
How often should I expect to hear from my student?
Somewhere between daily updates with emoji summaries and carrier pigeon once per quarter.
Freshman communication is like dorm WiFi: sometimes strong, sometimes mysteriously absent, and often triggered by a need for snacks, advice, or Venmo.
You might get:
- Monday: A meme and a “miss u”
- Tuesday: Total silence
- Wednesday: “Do I need health insurance?” (??)
- Thursday: “Hey can you transfer $20 real quick?”
Set your expectations accordingly.
Reality check: If your kid is going to class, eating things that vaguely resemble food, and hasn’t been adopted by a campus squirrel cult – you’re doing fine.
What if my student only texts once a month (usually to ask for money)?
Congratulations – you’ve reached the ATM Phase of parenting.
It’s not personal. It’s not neglect. It’s simply the law of freshman physics:
The more independent they feel, the more likely they are to send exactly one text every lunar cycle with the words “lol can you Zelle me.”
Take heart: it means they trust you’re still there, even when they’re busy building their own life.
Tip: Reply with love and a gentle nudge.
“Money sent. Also, are you alive and hydrating?”
Sometimes they respond. Sometimes… they just heart react and vanish like a Venmo-powered ghost.
Should I be worried if I don’t hear from them for days?
Only if your kid was texting you 17 times a day before and now? Crickets.
Otherwise – breathe. No news usually means:
- They’re studying
- They’re sleeping
- They’re making friends
- They’re desperately Googling “how to do laundry without turning socks into beige soup”
College time is weird. Days feel like minutes. Weeks disappear. Your child isn’t ignoring you – they’re just trying to do all the things.
Best move: Send a non-guilt-trippy text like,
“Just checking in! Love you, proud of you, here if you need me.”
Avoid: “Did you forget who gave you life?” (Tempting, I know.)
How do I support them without being overbearing?
You walk the tightrope of available-but-not-hovering.
Basically, you’re now a Wi-Fi network: always there, strong signal, but invisible unless requested.
Support looks like:
- Celebrating small wins (“You went to class before noon? ICONIC.”)
- Letting them fail without swooping in with a cape
- Resisting the urge to mail them allergy meds every time the weather shifts
And yes – asking questions after they’ve had their mini-meltdowns. Not mid-crisis, not pre-crisis.
Post-meltdown is your sweet spot.
Truth Bomb: This is Normal. And Healthy. And a Little Bit Weird.
You’re not being left behind – you’re giving them space to become the adult you raised them to be.
It’s hard. It’s weird. And it’s kind of like watching a baby giraffe learn to walk while texting sideways and eating Cup Noodles.
But it’s also beautiful.
They’re figuring it out – not alone, but with you cheering quietly (but fiercely) from the sidelines.
Final Thought?
If your kid doesn’t text back for a few days, don’t panic.
Unless they posted a TikTok in that time – then feel free to comment “CALL YOUR MOTHER” in all caps. (Kidding. Mostly.)
You’ve got this. You raised a human who left the nest – and remembered to pack at least one towel. That’s a win.
And if all else fails? Just send snacks. Communication often follows carbohydrates.